I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
