the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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