guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
