Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
