Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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