I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
