there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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