I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
