apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
