Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
