come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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