Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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