Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
