tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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