I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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