WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
