I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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