I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
