OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
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everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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