hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
