waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
