she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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