a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
