It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
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omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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