I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
