Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
