It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
