a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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