there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
