And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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