I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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