Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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