Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
