I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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