Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
