Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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