dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
