And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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