I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how can u be prego again
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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