He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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