wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
