I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
