Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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