we're chasing vodka with high fives
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
