Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can you bring me the toilet please
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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