Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
