I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
