When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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