bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
