i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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