i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
