Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
