Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have post one night stand depression
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
