ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
