the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
