apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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