Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
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Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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