Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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