yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
