The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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