apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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