how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize