please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That accounts for only three of the penises
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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