what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
