She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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