You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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