shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
