I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
