Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
