Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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