i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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