lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
