i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize