I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
