direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
