So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
