How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
