I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
