How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
