I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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