my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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