the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
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I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize