it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
