Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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